The Unexpected
by miss uots
Summary: short stories you wouldn't have expected to come to mind... got a new one up, it's under chapter six! Da, the weirdness inside my mind!
1. Default Chapter

The room was silent, awaiting the start of class. Professor Snape waltzes in, cloack billowing around him, though not dressed in quite the manner we thought he would be. He goes to the front of the room and begins to speak.  
  
"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion- making. As there is little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the shimmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses . . . now what?"  
  
The class had been sniggering ever since he had walked into the room.  
  
"What is it?" he said, his voice stern. "What's so damn funny?"  
  
"Professor," asked one of the students, trying to hide his giggling, "Why are you wearing a skirt?"  
  
"It's not a skirt, it's a kilt!"  
  
. . . ah, what a wonderful mental image! 


	2. Death Eater situation

Some time in the future of Harry Potter, Severus runs into Sirius and Lupin, and the three are involved in a big argument. It looks like Severus is happy that he's finally caught the two, and Harry Potter, along with Ron and Hermione, are there with them. The argument is taking place somewhere at Hogsmede, probably the shrieking shack, and is getting quite serious until a loud noise sounds from outside. Apparently, there has been news of a rise of Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and Hermione points out that the Death Eaters are approaching the shack . . .  
  
The three adults stop arguing, everything becoming silent. Sirius and Lupin look at each other, then grab a hold onto Severus and start pushing him towards the door.  
  
"You were once a Death Eater, right?" Sirius says. "You can handle this problem."  
  
"Hey, you were always good at Defense Against the Dark Arts," Lupin puts in.  
  
"Excuse me, but aren't you the one who was a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lupin?" Severus hisses at him.  
  
"Oh, come on," Sirius says, "You're the best at this field."  
  
"Oh, this sounds familiar," Severus says, and the other two let go as he turns around to face them. "Defense Against the Dark Arts, Fourth year." He puts on a high voice, and starts to poorly imitate a whinning Sirius. "Oh, come on, Severus. You're the best at this sort of thing. You have to help us with our homework! We'll never be able to do this stuff without you!"  
  
Sirius and Lupin look at each other, then go on about in the same high voices, "But you are the best at this sort of thing! It's just like in the old days!"  
  
"And look," Sirius says, "Potter's here, too." He drags Harry out of the corner, getting him involved.  
  
"Don't get him involved," Severus growls, "he's just a boy!"  
  
"I thought you always wanted the Defense Against the Dark Arts job, Professor," Harry says smartly. "You seem to go on that you're really quite good at it. Why don't you show us how good of a teacher you really are in that subject?"  
  
There is a silence. Severus finally spits out, "Fine!" and looking quite defined about this decision, puts his head up in the air, and marches out the door to meet the Death Eaters. The door slams shut behind him.  
  
"Ha," Sirius says. "Loser." 


	3. In the Closet

It's the third year, in the shrieking shack. Sirius has convinced Harry that he is his godfather, and Lupin tells his were-wolf story. Everything has been revealed, and the only thing that hasn't happened is Severus coming down in suspicion to stop them.  
  
While arguing and having everything revealed and make sense to the kids (Harry, Hermione and Ron), a soft thump comes from a closet none of them really noticed before since they were all too busy arguing.  
  
Everyone gets quiet. Sirius mutters, "We're not alone."  
  
He cautiously approaches the closet door and tries to open it. He can't seem to open it, and suspects that there is someone inside, trying to keep the door shut.  
  
"I know you're in there," Sirius says threateningly. "I may not know who you are, but I know there's someone in there. You've heard too much and now we have to know who you are, to see whether you are on our side or not. Muggle or not, be warned. Now, open this door!"  
  
The door did not budge. There was no noise from the other side.  
  
"They want us to think they aren't in there," Sirius says.  
  
"It might not be who we want it to be," Lupin says.  
  
"It doesn't matter anymore," Sirius replies. With his wand, he utters a spell and  
  
POOF!  
  
The dust clears and . . .  
  
"Ah, no, my virgin eyes!"  
  
A couple stood in the closet, half undressed. Harry gawked, then stammered,  
  
"Professor Snape?" 


	4. Hermione's new love

It's the Yule Ball of the fourth year.  
  
Harry and Ron are quite desperate to see who Hermione is going out with. As they wait for the ball to officially start, they see Malfoy come down the stairs, dressed in his best, and at his side . . .  
  
. . . Hermione.  
  
DA-HA HA! 


	5. Definately UNexpected turn out

This one's kind of sad but it gives a whole new perspective on things.  
  
By the way, if you can't guess my favorite character from the book by now . . .  
  
Somewhere in the future, Harry learns where his parents have been buried. He, Ron and Hermione are going out to find the cemetery and pay their due respects. Coming up a hill, they see a figure far off in the distance and recognize it as Professor Snape. He looks a bit lost, perhaps wandering in thought, and pays his due respect to a certain grave. He kisses his fingers and puts them up to the grave, where there might be a picture. Then, he walks over to the grave right beside it and kicks a stone at it.  
  
Puzzled by this behavior, the three wait until he's gone, then goes over to see who he was visiting. It turns out to be the grave of Lilly Potter, and there's been some damage where he kicked James' tombstone.  
  
"I think we may know why he hates you so much," Hermione quietly says.  
  
. . . understand? Oh, what a turn on things if Lilly had been an object of his affection in school, and he really hates James for taking her away, rather then that silly little trick that James and his friends played on him, wouldn't you agree? 


	6. Sanpe's a WHAT!

Sometime in the Fifth year . . .  
  
For some reason the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher really hates Snape. He decides that if he's better at Defense Against the Dark Arts than him, that he's also better at Potions than him. So, he makes something, and slips it into Snape's drink sometime in the staff room where the teachers are having a meeting of some sort.  
  
As soon as Snape drinks it, he realizes that there's something wrong with it.  
  
"Has someone poisoned our drinks?" he wonders aloud.  
  
The anal Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, we'll call him Professor Bob at the moment, stands up and shouts, "Ha! I've put a special potion in your drink! Can you tell me what it is, Mister Potions Master?"  
  
Unfortunately, Sanpe can't. Furious, he leaves the room.  
  
"What did you put in the drink?" Dumbledore asks, and Professor Bob laughs.  
  
"Just you wait until tomorrow morning . . ."  
  
Next morning, Snape does not come down to breakfast. He misses all his classes that day, and Dumbledore and the teachers are a bit worried, so they go to his office, to his room, and knock loudly on the door.  
  
There are students with them also, wondering what has happened to the Potions Master. Most likely, Harry, Hermione and Ron are there as well.  
  
"Severus, are you alright?" Dumbledore asks gently through the door.  
  
An unusually high voice answers, "I'm fine! Leave me alone!"  
  
"I'm sorry for what ever Professor Bob did to you," Dumbledore says. "Can you please open the door?"  
  
"No . . . I - I can't!"  
  
"Why?" Dumbledore persists. "Did you look bad?"  
  
"No - I look wonderful."  
  
Dumbledore and the students and teachers with him are confused.  
  
"Wonderful?" Dumbledore asks. "What do you mean by that?"  
  
The door creaks open as Severus goes on to say, "This Wonderful."  
  
And here's the wonderfully funny mental image: Snape coming out of the door as a WOMAN. He, hee . . . don't know where that one came from. 


End file.
